I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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