Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
