last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
