Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trust falling into bushes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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