$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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