you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
