A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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