I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He did a backflip because drugs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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