Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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