I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
