so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
