Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
