There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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