Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
