I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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