It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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