So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
