guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
