we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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