My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
