girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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