She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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