So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
