If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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