dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
