Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
