Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?