He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity