I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?