have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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