sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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