Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
