You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
