dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
