K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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