I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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