remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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