Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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