You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
