I looked at my own cervix.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
