worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
