I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
