you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
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What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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