Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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