$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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