I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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