Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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