Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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