The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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