You just made me feel so damn special
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
