I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
