I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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