Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
