We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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