I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
