I'm going to jail i love you
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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