I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
