the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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