Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Text me some of your sweat
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