wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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