You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
