Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
