I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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