She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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